《我可能不会爱你》

一把眼泪，一把鼻涕，终于把《我可能不会爱你》观看完毕。

对我而言，这部戏可说是亲情、友情、爱情的完美结合体。

不只如此，我也从中汲取不少人生哲理的养分。好开心！ (:

这些话语如当头棒喝敲响我的脑壳儿：

“人生不可能完美，但这并不代表它不美。”

你说对不对？我想发生在自己身上的一切的一切，都是含有宇宙的美意存。

只不过人们却偏偏爱往丑陋的地方看去，放大其中的不足之处，让自己的心受苦。

这又何苦？ 每个人必定有缺点。但请不要因为一个缺点，而遮蔽了一个人其他种种优点。

“偶尔当一当配角，并不会让你生命少了一角。”

两个人都爱唱歌，两个人都要抢麦克风。那该怎么办呢？

偶尔当当听众，偶尔当当伴奏，自己又不会少一块肉。

或许这对另一个人的自信心，会有很大的冲击喔！

千万不要把自己看得太过重要。你不是公主，你不是王子，你不是宇宙，你不是所有。

你有能力，你很强，那又怎样？ 若你让别人在你身边，感到卑微，感到无能，
那你真的获胜了吗？你真的开心吗？人生的意义所在，不就是互相帮助、互相成就吗？

我就曾经看过这么一句话：
"Success is not counted by how high you have climbed,
but by how many people you brought with you."

谢谢你李大仁程又青。从你们身上，我看到了自己。

你们解开了我心中所有的迷。答案，终于在心里。

恩。

今年生日，我不再期待大大的蛋糕和多多的礼物。
我想要的不过是简单的一餐和家人朋友的陪伴。
但是，老天爷始终让我拥有以上一切的一切。


生日对我而言，不需张扬地高唱生日歌，不需要名牌贵重的礼物。
一句真心祝福，一份手工礼物，和亲友共渡，我已经很幸福。


我这个人嘛，长得不是很好看，脾气也不是很好⋯⋯
但是却能感受到你们为我点点滴滴的用心。如以下：


虽然要前往上海旅游，朋友还是送上礼物祝福，翱翔了。
虽然隔天要忙整天，朋友还是一起去为朋友庆生，惊喜了。
虽然还没温习完毕，朋友还是亲手做了一张生日卡，感动了。
虽然眼花缭乱、腰酸背痛，朋友还是继续为图画上色，辛苦了。
虽然身体不适，却陪伴大家在USS玩了一整天、还驾车，劳累了。
虽然考试要到了，朋友还是牺牲温书时间和大家共进晚餐，有心了。
虽然对裁缝一窍不通，朋友还是亲手缝制了一个可爱的袋子，用心了。

谢谢家人，谢谢OHANA, 谢谢MOJO,

谢谢NIE姐妹花，谢谢你们大家的爱心。

我不知道到底什么值得让你们为了我费心、费时、费力⋯⋯

我只知道自己感到受宠若惊，感激不尽。谢谢你！谢谢你！

❤

The naked truth.

"Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently."

Dr. Richard Teo was a very successful cosmetic surgeon and a 40 year old millionaire living the life of the rich and famous. His life came to a screeching halt when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  He spent the rest of his limited time pondering about his life and concluded to a different definition of the meaning of happiness, morals and regrets.

Many times, the last few words of a person are the most inspiring and life changing ones. I believe it is because they are forced to think, ponder and reflect about the real priorities of life since they do not have the luxury of time as other normal people. I hope that we don’t have to wait til we come to the end of our lives that we stop living our lives ignorantly and foolishly. But learn our lessons from these brave people who had to experience unfortunate events that cut their lives short, but wise enough to change their ways in the end.

Below is an excerpt of his last speech to a class full of future dental surgeons on 19^th January 2011, about 10 months after his diagnosis. He died on 18^th October 2012.

Since young, I am a typical product of today’s society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media… and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I’ve always be extremely competitive, since I was young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor.

If you’re aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it’s time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic… in town, together with a day surgery centre.

So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3 weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we’re already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn’t blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I’ll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We’ll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We’ll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn’t out, it’s just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It’s time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.

So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That’s me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn’t have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it’s not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn’t accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans – positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like “Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I’ve reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I’ll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn’t? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of… You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no… No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn’t. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn’t, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..

WATCH THE YOU TUBE VIDEO OF THE COMPLETE SPEECH BELOW

I’ll just end of with this quote here, it’s from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it’s the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you’re supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else’s life. Because true happiness doesn’t come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn’t turn out that way.

Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the Bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way.

I hope we all learn this life changing lesson before it’s too late. Because we don’t know how much time we have left in this world…

Thankful beyond words.

And so my week kickstarted with our NIE Great Green Bazaar!

I'm just thankful beyond words.

Setup of the bazaar was completed in less than half an hour all thanks to the green guys.

Elaine actually did up a publicity poster for us voluntarily, without me even asking. Initially, I didn't want to make known to the masses for fear that it's not good enough to be called the Great Green Bazaar.. But after hearing her words, that we have already done what we can and that we should be contented, I went ahead to publicize on Facebook bravely. And thanks to her, there was a heartening number of turnout! (:

Serene actually went from Seng Kang to Bartley, which is where SPCA is, to help us collect the hefty and heavy consignment of merchandise. She also liberated the help of her tutee, who is mentally not-as-abled, to help us with tending the booth so that she can experience normal, day-to-day interactions with other people in the society like you & me. 

Just now when we asked for help in the Whatsapp group chat, some of them were so willing to volunteer their time and effort upon seeing that we'd be unable to mend the booth due to lessons.

Today, the lift from the carpark leading to the canteen was spoilt. Yy and Serene had carried 2 huge plastic boxes of SPCA goods all the way from B1 to L1. Although you may think it's only one level, i could see that they were both worn out. It surely wasn't as easy. What touched me was they didn't even utter a single word of complain. They just did it, out of kindness, out of volunteerism, out of love. Whatever you call it, it means the same to me (:

THANK YOU MANY MANY.

I'm...

Blessed with some of the best buddies.

❤ Zhumei Koh Zhi Wei 

That silly girl went home to deliver food for her parents, fearing it will turn cold.
That silly girl then came to NTU just to deliver food, managed to only study for awhile before heading home. From her I see 'selflessness'. Less of self and more of others.
Thanks for your 爱心满满 Halloween treat (:

❤ Elaine and YY

As i had tuition yesterday, I could only reach school at around 7 plus.
When i reached, everyone bought their food, except me.
So i went to queue for Subway and boy, wasn't the queue long?
To my horror, when i returned, Elaine and Yy hadn't started eating their burgers,
except for the fries. I'm just... touched. Thanks for waiting so patiently for me (':


3) More to be revealed! Stay tuned.


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤

 p.s. 我要好好珍惜这两个星期。

善忘心。

每当我难过失落的时候，我都爱和小孩子在一起。
她们给的抱抱，她们脸上天真的笑，都让我感觉温暖。
真的好感激这两位小天使哦⋯⋯ 怡睿和怡颖，谢谢你。

小时侯，爸爸妈妈妈骂了孩子之后，生气地不得了。
但你不曾发现，小孩子过一会儿又会笑嘻嘻地来找爸爸妈妈！
不记仇，没心结。开心就笑，伤心就哭，如此简单。


长大后，都变了。
会记仇，有心结。开心不笑，伤心不哭，如此复杂。
一旦人家得罪了自己，就不跟那个人说话，弄得大家都尴尬。


到底是什么魔力能让一个小孩这么容易忘记心中的不开心？—— 赤子之心。
他们不会先入为主，不会自以为是，不会钻牛角尖。
所以才会很快地乐起来！我敢说自己是完全相反。


所以我得出的结论是：
一旦失去一颗赤子之心，人的一生将会变得很不开心。
我需要的，不就是这样的一颗心吗？ JIAYOU YC!

几米说：“不要过分在乎身边的人，也不要刻意去在意他人的事。在这世上，总会有人让你悲伤、让你嫉妒、让你咬牙切齿。并不是他们有多坏，而是因为你很在乎。”

Family.

Randomly, Mummy asked if she could get to know my friends over a meal or something.

Surprisingly, many were able to make it even at the last minute notice & willing to step out of our comfort zones to meet my mummy for the first time (: You guys are so supportive seh.

Eventually, despite the shortened dinner duration, feels like we all had a hearty time together! Our night was topped up with Family Fondue and Paranormal Activity 4. It's been such a long time since we caught a horror movie together le.. I'm so happy we did! Wheee (:

因为有你，她很开心… 感激不尽。
感谢赏脸。谢谢、谢谢 、谢谢！

Impressed-sario.

当天的表现还算不错! 好开心喔。
我们还真是第一次在这么正式的场合试镜，心里难免有些高低不平。

但谁怕？ We did it (:
Don't care out or in.
I'm impressed, really.

p.s.
你每天付出多一点，
你每天成长多一点，
你每天开心多一点。

哇！

谣言止于智者，你做到了。
我也上了一课（：谢了！

我决定乐。

一次又一次，我为自己的言行感到羞耻。
是真的。太倔强的人，一点都不值得惋惜。
一句话就能带了天堂或地狱。为何如此任性？
不能在这样下去，我想享受当下的美丽。
对不起，原谅我，我爱你，谢谢你。

Keep holding on.

Reunion for the first time and we just had to have a popcorn fight! HAHA.

Tonight, that moment carried most weight (:

Handshake.

More to come, but I'm not afraid.

Argh!

There goes my holy maiden image :'( HAHA.

A genuine recess week.

People always say,
'My recess week is not a recess week!' But mine was, thankfully.

Highlights of the week:
1) Rock climbing
2) Adam Khoo Strategic Planning Workshop
3) Insomniac 50km Night Cycling, from Bedok to Punggol
4) The Equation of Happiness
5) Greenies Potluck Picnic @ Botanic

Surely, weekends were used to complete assignments!
Well well, I guess I've a beautiful balance between work and play?
Yay. Hope it's the same for you man (:

Looking forward to meet Ohanies this week! Wheee I miss.

美丽的句点。

NIE SHINE 2012.

你是爱我的。

Nope, I didn't sing wonderfully. But because of your support, I won.

Thanks Elaine, for gathering supporters, for creating the poster and taking the initiative to create the beautiful board pasted with handwritten notes from our friends! You're like an angel alive in my life.

Thanks YY, for bringing our friends to the venue, for recording, uploading & sharing the video, when you're not at all obliged to do so. I know you'll be there for me. Next time it's your turn to sing! (:

Thanks Angie for coming even though you had night cycling later in the evening, I bet you must be the one who suggested to buy the 'Singing bear for the shiny star' bear bear de. You're always so sweet.

Thanks Zirui for coming even though you had to rush off to a 21st birthday celebration that night, in which you stayed till 4am. Also forgetting to removing the price tag on the bear :P In any way, I still love it many many.

Thanks Ashley for helping with my make-up, for delivering the flowers and BEAR to me on stage! And for the many honest comments and advice for my singing. Singing is like telling a story, with your voice, from your heart.

Thanks Amanda, Jeremiah and Zimin for staying back to celebrate my happiness with me, even after everything has ended. Because of you guys, I didn't feel stranded and instead i felt cared for.

Thanks Mich, Billy, Jeremy, Stephen for turning up after your lessons leh! You guys were literally behind me hehe.

Thanks Brandon for wanting to help me carry the heavy gifts of love. Xin ku ni le!

Thanks Serene for being my advisor all along. Couldn't have made it without your words.
“在台上，你就是女王。”

Thanks Jolene, Nikko, Serena for coming down to support me on a Friday evening! 你们真有心。

Thanks Xuan for photographing and cheering for me simultaneously! 我有种受宠若惊的感觉。

Thanks Wei Wei for bringing her little angel to support me (: Hehehe. Talia 好可爱。

Thanks Sissy for being there to capture those happy moments with my friends hor! Yay.

Thank you for being there for me, be it physically or spiritually.

Your messages, your encouragements, I appreciate it. Even if i didn't win, I feel I've already did.

I named the bear Blessing, because it's describes my feeling most aptly. You guys are my blessings.


This song is for you (: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

我是爱你的。

p.s. 心，不再有遗憾。

感性赢了。

Too strong for too long. Been a long time since I cried. In the end, you and me we're creatures of emotion, not logic. It's only now I realise, the angels in my life.

太阳。

谢谢你、谢谢你、谢谢你：

1) 今天的呈现，还算流利。

2) 有些话也抛出了心里，希望我们的友谊如你说的，就算不靠近，也会零距离。

3) 说者无意，听者有心 - 谨言慎行。

今天，我很开心 (:

Untitled.

Once upon a time, a gardener planted a seed in her garden. As she waters it joyfully, a happy song she'll sing.

One day, she saw a green bud, poking its little head out of the grass patch. Happiness hatched.

A few months passed. However, the plant was still intact. She felt sad and there was neglect. She took away some water, she took away some love. The little plant felt sad, but how can it express?

"Plant, oh plant. Why won't you grow? Don't you know I love you so?"

"Gardener, oh gardener. Don't you know? Part of loving, is learning to let go. I need my own space, my own time to grow."

She left.

Years passed and she returned to the garden to see-

A strong and sturdy cactus, providing water for families of little creatures to drink.

"I knew that one day, you'll bloom beautifully, with or without me. For you, I'm happy."

友情？

认识我的人都应该知道，
我是一个愿意付出的人。
当付出得不到回报，是我自己自找。
到头来，没有人会真正关心你,
到底快不快乐开不开心。
一次又一次，我告诉自己没关系，
可是内心怎么却还很伤心。
或许有些东西，永远不成对比。
我们在乎的，不过是自己。

The highest kite fly against the wind.

It's times like this which made me mature a little. Initially I couldn't breathe, but now I feel like I'm free. Free from my self-limiting thoughts, free from fear, free from uncertainty.

Thank god.
(:


p.s. "是时候你跟我一起上台了。"

心心相印。

作晚我们聊得好尽兴、好开心。
有些话语不就是我们内心渴望听到的东西？


人，有时候很奇怪。
我们总是把美好的东西锁起来，
藏在心里面，自己知道就好。


其实有时候，我们
只要一句发自内心的赞美，一句真诚的鼓励，
就能把一个人心中的冰雪融化，
让他感受到这世界其实还存在着温暖，还存在着真诚的。

‘真心’ 两个字，十闻九不知。

我不知道我是否做到了，但我愿意学习。

这个世界所需要的，不就是

多点赞美，多点温暖，

少点抱怨，少点冷漠？

当然，没人能强迫你
说些你不想说的话。

话语的力量，无限大。你相信吗？

一切的一切，都是一种自我选择。

OHYA, 我忘了说。
除了孝顺父母，

那个人也必须清清楚楚地知道

自己在这短暂人生当中，

到底要的是什么、追求些什么。

热忱，是十分吸引人的！呵呵。

p.s. 分享需要勇气，勇气需要鼓励。
一步一脚印，不能超之过急 (:
昨晚，谢谢你、谢谢你！

To the fullest.

Now, I'm beginning to feel what it means to live life to the fullest,
even if it means being really mentally and physically tired (:
Before school starts tomorrow, I'm proud to share with you some of my
little personal achievements I've been wanting to share since June >< HAHA.

THANKFUL, for these:
1) Hong Kong trip with Brandon, Yuyuan & Zirui
2) Participated and volunteered in Bare Your Sole, an event by Habitat for Humanity
3) NIE Seniors Camp
4) Krabi trip with Lei, Nikko & Xuan
5) Superstars outing with ET, GMX, YK & YH
6) Pulau Hantu trip with Elaine & Zhiwei
7) Volunteered in Love is Loud lunch @ Chen Su Lan Methodist Children Home
8) 5-week practicum in Jurong Primary School
9) Camp Ragnarok, Dip Ed Freshmen Orientation Camp& Camp Armagaddon, Bachelor in Arts/Science Freshmen Orientation Camp
10) DRAGONBOATING for the first time in my life!

Not long ago, I've been appointed as the Green Club chairperson. Initially, I was quite apprehensive about this because I know with this title comes greater responsibilities. Nevertheless, I'm willing to take this as a learning opportunity and make my actions speak to the best of my ability. I know I've a bunch of supportive buddies. Excited, for the new semester.

人生不在于长短，
而是在于其内容。
我们要一起加油，
加油！加油！加油！


p.s.
点点，just thanks for being there.
For emerging out of your comfort zone into the foreign ground as a GL,
for leading our camp baby THOR in the most unexpected & great ways,
for helping out in Camp Armageddon despite feeling physically tired.
Beginning to see a wholesome, new you. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU (:

喜欢寂寞。

“走過了多少，就會換得多少，
過去的種種痛苦或喜悅，都會變成養分。
無論是一個人的時候更自由，或是孤單的時候更渴望，
當某些情感放下的時候，就是一笑而過的怡­然自得。”
－青峰


我渐渐爱上五月天和苏打绿。他们的歌曲让人感觉温暖、觉得好听。

我决定了(:

"I don't feel a part of so much I've known. 

Now it feels it's time to start a new life on my own."

-Pocahontas

Perhaps, it's better this way. 

My heart feels like a feather,

and it's growing wider.

But I still love.

你被寫在我的歌裡。

在害怕的時候，就連快樂都能提醒自己的傷痛；
當充滿勇氣的時候，憂傷卻可以是一種調味品。
脆弱的時候，需要一雙手、一股毫不懷疑的力量，
來帶領你繼續走。這首­歌說的就是這樣的故事。
希望大家聽了都能感到開心幸福。
－青峰

我是幸福的。

有人曾经说过：

幸福是⋯⋯

依偎在妈妈的怀抱里。
恋人宽阔肩膀上的甜蜜。
抚摸儿女细嫩皮肤的慈爱。
注视父母沧桑面庞的敬意。

真正的幸福不是描写的，
因为真正的幸福是一种状态的持续。
幸福不是给别人看的，与别人怎样说无关，
重要的是自己心中充满快乐的阳光。

幸福掌握在自己手中，
这种感觉是愉快的，
使人心情舒畅的，
是甜蜜快乐的。

良心的显现，
爱心的流露，
真心的泉源，
幸福至永远。

对你而言，
什么让你幸福？
什么让你快乐？
什么让你感动？