Peace please (Part 1)

After two decades of schooling, this is one of the most meaningful.

"We can be seduced by publicity, made to think that in order to be happy we must buy and use a highly advertised product. Doesn't television thrive on publicity? Those with power can use clever, psychological tricks and play upon our weaknesses and brokenness in order to attract us to use their way of thinking. We can be manipulated into illusion.

Our danger is to think that happiness will come outside us, from the things we possess or the power of our group, and not from within us, from the inner sanctuary of our being. How quickly we human beings fall into illusion, the illusion that we are the center of the universe- or the extreme opposite, that we are nobody. And how easily we imagine if we are part of this or that group or gain more money, all will be well. We can all be seduced by false prophets who promise happiness. But when we submit to these illusions, very quickly we lose our true selves and end up falling into a paralysis of anger and despair. Depression can overcome us. We are ashamed that reality and illusion do not coincide, ashamed even of our existence.

Happiness is accepting and choosing life, not just submitting grudgingly to it. It comes when we choose ti be who we are, to be ourselves, at this present moment of our lives; we choose life as it is, with all its joys, pains and conflicts. Happiness is living and seeking the truth, together with others in community and assuming responsibility for our lives and the lives of others. It is accepting the fact that we are not infinite but can enter into a personal relationship with the Infinite, discovering the universal truth that transcends all cultures: Each person is unique and sacred. We are not just seeking to be what others want us to be or to conform to the expectations of family, friends or local ways of being. We have chosen to be who we are, with all that is beautiful and broken in us. We do not slip away from life and live in a world of illusions, dreams or nightmares. We become present to reality and to life so that we are free to live according to our personal conscience, our scared sanctuary, where love resides within us and we see others as they are in the depth of their being. We are not letting the light of life within us to be crushed, and we are crushing it in others. On the contrary, all we want is for the light of others to shine."

Life and death, a matter of just one breath.

That night, I thought was gonna die.
I felt cold. I was trembling. I couldn't breathe.
What on earth was happening to me?

"I think I need to go to the hospital."

The next moment i know, i was in a cab and on my way to NUH.

On the cab, a million things went through my mind.
How helpless my granny must have felt on that afternoon she left,
and yet we weren't there for her.
How many things i have not done for my family,
my friends and my love if i were to die that night.

Eyes overflowed.

Doctor said it was UTI. I heaved a sigh of relief.
Felt better after taking the medicine and decided to go to school the next day.

It was a mistake.

Fifteen minutes into the lesson, i felt a spurt of blood gush into my brain.
I felt like i was about to faint, I couldn't breathe in ease again.
I left the lesson halfway. Called for the cab that never came.

After agonizing for half an hour, xj came running towards me and asked i was okay.
He started calling for the cab again and he got it within 5 minutes.
(Seems like nothing ever goes well with havoc yc -_-)
For the next 2 days, it was purely rest at home for me..

When i was sick, movement was a problem
because i didn't know when i'd feel giddy and faint.
When i was sick, breathing didn't happen as naturally
and i had to exert myself to breathe intentionally.

So now that i am alive and kicking, healthy and happy again, 

I can't help but appreciate every step and every breath i can take.

I thank God for letting me live again.
I thank God for letting me breathe with ease.
I thank God for letting me walk again energetically.

生与死，只在一呼一吸之间⋯⋯
经过这次的风雨，我学会了珍惜。
珍惜什么？我的身体，我的健康，
我的家人，我的朋友，我的爱人。
真的想象不到自己如果就这么走了，
会留下这么多这么多这么多的遗憾。
我相信，我能为他们做的可以更多（：

p.s. To all the friends who showed me concern, THANKS for all your love!